for ten years now, leonid tishkov has traveled the world with his moon. here we see him in arctic svalbard magdalene fjord (1,5,7), new zealand, near rangitito (second photo, taken by marcus williams), the tian shang observatory near the border between china and kyrgyzstan (third photo, by po-i chen) and moscow (4,6,8, taken by boris bendikov)
"the moon is a shining point that brings people together from different countries, of different nationalities and cultures - and everyone who gets in its orbit does not forget it ever. it gives fairytale and poetry in our prosy and mercantile world," leonid writes. "the moon helps us to overcome our loneliness in the universe by uniting us around it."
leonid adds, “the ancient ural peoples who lived in my home told a fairy tale about how a shaman goes into the next world, illuminating the path of the moon. so in all of my photos, i can be seen in my late father’s cloak, because he travels with me in this way.”
This is so relevant right now :/ sigh
Narcissistic personalities have an extreme preoccupation with themselves, lack empathy, and they need to be treated as superior and to feel admired. They are oblivious to their own behavior and portray themselves as victims. They generally make good first impressions, appearing confident and perhaps arrogant. They may have a sense of entitlement, seeing themselves as more talented, intelligent and attractive than others. They can be demanding and inflexible.
They may exploit personal and professional relationships. Most importantly, they do not accept responsibility for their behavior. Their need for affection and admiration is so great that criticism is met with an extreme reaction. They may see failure as unacceptable, becoming upset if they can’t win. They are self-centered, self-absorbed and have no sensitivity to others’ needs, interests or feelings.
Setting clear boundaries with the narcissistic client is necessary. While they will want to bend the rules because they feel they are exempt, doing so will make the relationship unmanageable. Be firm and consistent.
Allow brief venting. If allowed free reign, this client will talk about themselves or rant for hours. Give this client positive feedback to support their sense of being wronged, victimized or damaged. Do not support unverified claims, however, or this will further fuel their desire for justice or retribution. Do not abruptly halt a conversation, pull away or reject the narcissist or they will feel rejected and retaliate.
Compromise is difficult with this personality because they feel they have done nothing wrong, have not contributed to the conflict and are entitled to a better share of the outcome than the other party.
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Less in love with these now…
Statistically, over 9 percent of American adults have a diagnosable personality disorder, so it’s likely that some clients you encounter are difficult, o
The DSM-IV-TR describes people with Narcissist Personality Disorder as showing “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts … .”3People with this disorder often believe that they are special or deserve particular treatment and have an exaggerated sense of entitlement. They are exceedingly status conscious; they treat people differentially according to their status and seek to align themselves with high-status people. Although they can be superficially charming, when it comes down to it, they habitually exploit others, taking advantage of them to achieve their own aims. They are unable to take account of other people’s feelings or perspectives and can come across as arrogant and haughty.
In a professional setting, when seeking assistance from you, they are apt to be cooperative and engaged, at least initially. However, if things don’t go well or there are unexpected problems, they are the first ones to start blaming others. And they are likely to do it in a harsh and punitive way. It is very hard for them to take responsibility or acknowledge their role in problems or disagreements. If you point out their role, they will probably respond angrily and may even storm out; they are acutely affected by criticism and find it practically unbearable.
To keep a professional relationship with a narcissistic client running smoothly, it helps to have in mind how this disorder originates. Often these are people who as children had their real needs overlooked. Frequently they received recognition for superficial accomplishments or for fulfilling a role that gratified their parents or fulfilled their parents’ wishes, while their truer selves were not recognized and stayed in the background. This caused them to develop a protective, self-important shell that faces the world and conceals a fragile part of them that fears being exposed as unworthy and inferior. Their preoccupation with status helps them ward off those profoundly unpleasant feelings. Rather than coming from an internal sense of pride and accomplishment, their self-esteem comes from being recognized or associated with others whom they admire, so they continually seek affirmation and acclaim from outside sources.
The best way to build a working relationship with these clients is to be sensitive to their comfort and convenience and help them maintain their self-esteem. You can do this by treating them with utmost courtesy and respect. These are folks who can’t easily tolerate being unable to reach you quickly or having to wait for you to arrive at a scheduled meeting. Your client will be inclined to invest you with “specialness.” Go along with her desire to see you as worthy and high in status; you can mention your experience and success in similar representations. If you know people in common or frequent the same places, you should talk about that as a way to build rapport and confidence in you. No doubt she chose you because you are “the best.” Don’t disabuse her of this; this is not a time for Minnesota-bred self-deprecation. On the other hand, try not to overshadow the client or appear to be competitive with her: she will want to know that you are exceptional, but not more exceptional than she is. Walk the narrow line between gently cultivating her confidence in you and inflaming her need to be better than others.
A narcissistic client will try to elicit admiration from you. He may tell you about his accomplishments, income, travels, or bons mots to let you know how extraordinary he is. You will likely feel irritated and manipulated by this and resent being treated as his admiring audience. You may get bored listening to tales of his achievements or the famous and successful people she knows. You may be tempted to take him down a notch. Nonetheless, resist cutting him short or withholding the recognition she demands. Although it might feel counterintuitive, this type of client needs your endorsement. If you can provide it, she will probably settle down and stop making demands for it. Keep in mind that this person sorely lacked real recognition from parents when he was most needy and vulnerable and that the inflated sense of self and need for strokes mask a part of him that feels small and weak; this can make it more palatable to go along with what she needs now. It will also lead to a more productive relationship between you.
A client like this is very sensitive to humiliation and wounds to his self-esteem. Taking blame or responsibility for the circumstances leading to the need for legal representation would require him to acknowledge his own defects, something that conflicts with his sense of himself as superior and entitled and stirs up repugnant feelings of shame. He will be extremely reluctant to do this even when his role seems obvious to others and his deflections of culpability strain credulity. If the client’s remorse or accountability is part of the representation, for example in a guilty plea, explain the need for the client to acknowledge responsibility in a way that can allow him to preserve self-esteem as much as possible. Align with the client; convey that you are on his side. If possible, try to see things from his point of view. Then appeal to his pragmatism and self-interest in resolving the matter.
The trap to avoid with this client is demoralization. When working with a person like this, you are apt to feel incompetent, unworthy, and off your game. You may feel that no matter how skillful your efforts, you somehow always fall short. You may feel inconsequential or invisible. These feelings most likely relate to the client and do not actually reflect the quality of your work or your role in the representation. They are natural by-products of being in a relationship with someone with this character. Once you have satisfied yourself that your work is up to par, reassure yourself that your feelings, while normal, are not really about you. They are a reflection of the client’s character. Remind yourself of your value and skill and seek support from family and colleagues. If you share your feelings of discomfort with others involved with the client, chances are you will find them feeling the same way. It’s not you.